Rishi Sunak’s incredibly strong reasons why you want to go back to the office

www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/rishi-sunaks-incredibly-strong-reasons-why-you-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-20210326206556

26th March 2021

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RISHI here, the Robin to Boris’s Batman. And I’m battling on behalf of you, the workers desperate to go back to the office. Here’s why: 

You need that company culture

How can you be part of a company’s rich, thriving culture, like a yoghurt forgotten in a bag, when you’re only Zooming in? You need to be there, boots on the ground, to see your boss leaving at 3.30pm every Friday, or to sign that leaving card for Sienna who got made redundant and had her tasks given to you for no extra money. There’s no substitute.

You could quit

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If you get used to the relative comfort of working from home without a three-hour commute costing £180 per week, you might lose your taste for the office grind altogether. Before you know it you’ll be quitting your job for something more fulfilling, and who’s going to pay the train company for your rip-off season ticket then?

You need to riff

God, I miss the riffing. You know? The business riffing that makes the office environment so thrilling? When two people pass in a corridor, suddenly feel that chemistry and start riffing, and within minutes they’ve come up with a bold new B2B marketing concept? You don’t know that? I pity you. 

You need to team-build

A good team is like a family, only better because it’s more economically productive. Admit it, your life has been empty since you stopped hearing about Marie’s husband’s back problems, Sarah’s dachshund’s ear infection, why Rob can’t make the tea and the refund Kev’s struggling to get from eBay. That’s where success is built. 

You need to support Conservative donors who own London office buildings

And just as important as your immediate team is the wider team; the team of developers, landlords and extortionate coffee chains who work invisibly to make your office possible. Never asking for thanks or acknowledgement, just your rent and the daily £4.85 for your venti latte. You need to show them you care. And stop them hassling me on the phone daily.